Understanding Autumn Grief and Healing
She came to see me on a quiet Tuesday in October, just a week after finishing the difficult task of clearing out her mother’s home.
Her lab results were normal. She was sleeping, more or less. Yet something didn’t feel right.
She couldn’t seem to take a full breath.
“It’s like there’s a hand resting on my chest,” she explained. “And I’ve caught every cold that’s gone through the office.”
Perhaps something in her story feels familiar to you.
If it does, I want you to know this: you’re not imagining what you feel, and you’re not being dramatic. Sometimes, the body continues to carry what the mind believes it should have already moved beyond.
Grief doesn’t always follow a predictable timeline. And it doesn’t come only with the death of someone we love. It can arise when a career ends, a child leaves home, a meaningful friendship fades, or we outgrow a version of ourselves we once knew well.
Sometimes, grief is simply the quiet ache of change.
And autumn, with its shorter days and falling leaves, can bring those feelings closer to the surface.
What Traditional Chinese Medicine Teaches Us About Autumn
In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), autumn is associated with the Metal element and two closely connected organ systems: the Lungs and the Large Intestine.
Their functions offer a beautiful metaphor for the season.
The Lungs take in fresh air, nourishing the body with each breath. The Large Intestine helps eliminate what the body no longer needs. One receives; the other releases.
Together, they remind us that life requires both taking in and letting go.
In TCM philosophy, grief is associated with the Metal element and the Lung system. Grief itself is not considered a failure or a weakness. It is a natural human response to loss, and making room for it can be part of the healing process.
When we struggle to process difficult emotions, we may notice tension in the chest, changes in our breathing, disrupted sleep, or a persistent sense of heaviness. These experiences can have many causes, but they are reminders to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us.
Autumn invites us to pause, acknowledge what we have lost, and gently release what we can no longer carry.
Not everything needs to be fixed today. Some things simply need to be felt.
What Western Medicine Tells Us About Grief and the Body
Modern research also recognizes that emotional stress and bereavement can affect physical well-being.
Grief and prolonged stress may influence sleep, stress-hormone regulation, appetite, energy levels, and immune function. Everyone responds differently, but emotional loss can have real physical effects.
In some cases, intense emotional stress can even trigger takotsubo cardiomyopathy, commonly known as broken heart syndrome. This condition temporarily affects the heart’s ability to pump normally and requires medical evaluation.
There is also a simple, accessible tool we can use to support relaxation: our breath.
Slow, comfortable breathing with a gentle, extended exhale may help calm the body’s stress response and support the parasympathetic nervous system, which plays a role in rest and recovery.
Breathing exercises are not a cure for grief, and they cannot replace medical care. But they can offer a small moment of steadiness when emotions feel overwhelming.
Sometimes, the first step toward letting go is simply allowing yourself to breathe.
A Tree Is Not Failing When It Drops Its Leaves
Consider a tree in autumn.
It doesn’t cling to every leaf until the last possible moment. As the seasons change, it releases what it no longer needs and conserves resources for the colder months ahead.
The tree isn’t failing. It’s adapting.
There is wisdom in that process.
We often treat letting go as a sign of weakness, as though moving forward means we didn’t care enough about what came before. But releasing something doesn’t erase its importance. We can honor what was meaningful without requiring it to remain unchanged forever.
Letting go isn’t the same as losing. Sometimes, it’s how we protect the energy we need to keep growing.
Like the tree, we can learn to conserve our strength, return to our roots, and trust that rest has a purpose.
How Autumn Grief May Show Up in the Three Dolphin Types
We each respond to emotional stress differently. Some people become overwhelmed by the needs of others. Some keep giving until their own reserves run low. Others retreat inward and struggle to find the energy to move forward.
Through the lens of the three Dolphin types, we can explore different ways of caring for ourselves during a season of change.
1. The Octopus: When You’re Holding Everything Together
An octopus has a remarkable ability to sense and respond to its surroundings. If you’re an Octopus, you may recognize a similar pattern in yourself.
You notice the shift in someone’s mood. You remember what everyone needs. You adjust, accommodate, and keep moving, even when you’re struggling inside.
You may be so busy responding to everyone else’s feelings that your own grief never gets the attention it deserves.
In TCM, this pattern can be explored through the relationship between the Heart, which is associated with the Shen or spirit, and the body’s broader balance of Qi and Yin. These are traditional concepts, not laboratory measurements or medical diagnoses.
What you may need most is permission to stop responding for a while.
Try taking a gentle walk in daylight without checking your phone or trying to solve anyone’s problems. Let your attention rest on the rhythm of your footsteps, the temperature of the air, and the changing colors around you.
You don’t have to be available to everyone, all the time.
Sometimes, caring for yourself begins with allowing the world to wait.
2. The Manta Ray: When Your Heart Gives More Than It Receives
Manta rays travel vast distances through the ocean, but they also visit cleaning stations where smaller fish help remove parasites from their skin.
They know when it’s time to receive care.
If you’re a Manta Ray, you may be the person others turn to for comfort, understanding, and reassurance. You give generously, often without asking for anything in return.
But even the strongest caregivers need somewhere to rest.
In TCM, the Heart and Lungs share an important relationship within the chest. Their combined Qi is described in part through Zong Qi, often translated as gathering Qi, which is associated with breathing and the movement of Qi through the chest.
Grief and stress may coincide with chest tension, changes in breathing, or heightened awareness of your heartbeat. These symptoms should not automatically be attributed to emotions or an energetic imbalance.
The Manta Ray’s question is simple: Where do you go to receive the same care you so freely give?
Reach out to a trusted friend. Accept help without feeling that you must repay it immediately. Allow someone else to make the plans, prepare the meal, or simply sit beside you.
You don’t need to wait until you’re exhausted to deserve support.
An important reminder: New or unexplained chest pain, pressure, shortness of breath, or other concerning symptoms require prompt medical assessment. Severe or sudden symptoms warrant emergency care.
3. The Blue Whale: When Your Reserves Feel Empty
Blue whales are extraordinary travelers, but their size and strength don’t mean they can ignore their need for nourishment and recovery.
If you’re a Blue Whale, grief may feel less like an emotional wave and more like a deep, persistent exhaustion.
You may find yourself needing more rest, withdrawing from social activities, or struggling to do things that once felt easy. Even small responsibilities can feel unusually demanding.
In the Five Element theory of TCM, Metal is considered the mother of Water. The Lungs are associated with Metal, while the Kidneys are associated with Water. This traditional relationship symbolizes how autumn’s process of release can prepare us for winter’s quieter, more restorative energy.
For the Blue Whale, the lesson is not to push harder. It’s to recognize when conserving energy is the wiser choice.
Try warm, nourishing meals, a consistent bedtime, gentle movement, and fewer unnecessary commitments. Give yourself permission to do less while you recover.
If fatigue is persistent, severe, or interfering with daily life, consult a healthcare professional to explore possible causes.
Rest is not giving up. Choosing where your energy goes is a form of strength.
Two Gentle Ways to Support Yourself This Autumn
You don’t need an elaborate wellness routine to begin caring for yourself. Start with something small, familiar, and easy to repeat.
1. Practice the Long Exhale
Three minutes, twice a day.
Find a comfortable position and allow your shoulders to soften.
- Place one hand gently on your chest or abdomen.
- Breathe in through your nose for a comfortable count of four.
- Breathe out slowly for a count of six, if that feels natural.
- Repeat for about three minutes, without forcing or straining your breath.
As you exhale, imagine a single leaf falling from a branch.
You don’t have to make anything happen. Simply notice your breath and allow the moment to be what it is.
If you feel dizzy, uncomfortable, or short of breath, return to your normal breathing and stop the exercise.
The purpose isn’t to force yourself to relax. It’s to offer your body a quiet opportunity to settle.
2. Enjoy a Warm Autumn Pear
In traditional Chinese food therapy, pears are commonly associated with supporting the Lungs and moistening dryness. A warm, cooked pear can be a comforting seasonal snack, particularly when the weather becomes cooler.
You’ll need:
- 1 ripe pear
- 1 cup of water
- 1 thin slice of fresh ginger
- A small pinch of cinnamon, if desired
How to prepare it:
- Wash the pear and cut it in half.
- Place it in a small saucepan with the water and ginger.
- Simmer gently for 10–15 minutes, or until the pear becomes tender.
- Add a small pinch of cinnamon if you like.
- Enjoy the pear warm and sip the cooking liquid.
There’s no need to add sugar unless you prefer it.
Think of this as a small ritual of nourishment rather than a treatment for grief or respiratory illness. Food can comfort and sustain us, even when it cannot solve everything we are feeling.
Sometimes, the simplest acts of care are the ones we need most.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Season Alone
During my first Ironman, my body reached a point where it could no longer tolerate food or water. My gut shut down partway through the race, and I still had a full marathon ahead of me.
I was exhausted, struggling, and uncertain how I would make it to the finish.
Then a stranger standing on the sidelines looked me in the eye and offered me a simple phrase:
“I AM really strong right now.”
I repeated those words with almost every step for the next 26 miles.
That experience taught me something I still carry with me: nourishment isn’t always something we eat. Sometimes, it’s a word of encouragement. Sometimes, it’s the kindness of a stranger. Sometimes, it’s having someone see us in a difficult moment and remind us that we don’t have to face everything alone.
Healing can begin in small ways.
With a slower breath. A warm meal. A conversation we’ve been putting off. The decision to rest instead of pushing through. Or the courage to acknowledge that something we loved has changed.
As autumn settles in, I invite you to consider what you may be ready to release.
Perhaps it’s an expectation you’ve carried for too long. Perhaps it’s the belief that you must always be strong. Perhaps it’s a loss you haven’t yet given yourself permission to grieve.
Whatever it is, you don’t have to let it go all at once.
You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to feel what you feel. And you are allowed to receive care while you find your way forward.
Just as the trees prepare for spring by releasing their leaves, you can make room for what comes next without forgetting what came before.
You don’t have to carry this season alone.
If you or someone you love would like to explore what your body may be asking for this autumn, I’d be happy to connect.
Book a free 10-minute call here.
Let’s talk about how you can feel supported, nourished, and more connected to yourself during this season of change.
Please remember: Traditional Chinese Medicine offers a complementary perspective on wellness and should not replace appropriate medical evaluation or treatment. Seek professional care for persistent symptoms, significant changes in health, or concerns about your physical or emotional well-being.